The 10,000 hour rule, is based on the concept that in order to become truly expert at something, it takes 10,000 hours of practice. If this theory is true, then considering my age, I could be half way to becoming an expert at something that I practiced for 15 minutes a day. If the 10,000 hours includes both conscious and unconscious practice then I am well on my way to becoming an expert at asmita - the art of making my self worth and self importance relational to external things. No wonder I need to work on falling in love with myself.
I became aware of my asmita voice through my yoga asana practice, because it brought me face-to-face with my raging self-judgement of my postures. At first, when instructors commented on the issue of self- judgement, I remained steadfast in my misperception (avidya) that I needed my self judgement to motivate me to work harder so that I could 'become better'. It took quite a while to realize that what I loved so much about yoga was that, my concept of 'being better' had shifted from being better by comparison to others, to being better by what was happening internally within me at any given moment.
It took even longer to realize I had made 'becoming better' the goal of every other arena of my life. I had to be a better mother, a better wife, a better boss, a better runner, better looking, etc. And to realize that I was/am quite attached to the avidya that 'becoming better' is an admirable goal, not only for myself but for others as well. But when 'becoming better' is in comparison to others, whether it's real people, characters in books or on TV, my dearly departed mother, or the lanky, empty eyed model on a magazine cover, then it's self worth relational to external things.
Sadly, the asmita doesn't stop there, it extends out of me in the form of judging others. When the voice in my head says 'why would that person drive like that?' it's really my asmita voice saying 'I would never drive like that so why does that person'. Happily though, through my YTT and the wisdom of the panca maya model I understand that the act of judging another creates a more subtle but a more harmful reverberation through me that perpetuates the asmita.
It is so liberating to realize that I don't have to continue to be held hostage by my klesas and I can start with reducing my asmita right now. And as soon as I am able, I will give myself the gift of examining my other klesas.
