The 10,000 hour rule, is based on the concept that in order to become truly expert at something, it takes 10,000 hours of practice. If this theory is true, then considering my age, I could be half way to becoming an expert at something that I practiced for 15 minutes a day. If the 10,000 hours includes both conscious and unconscious practice then I am well on my way to becoming an expert at asmita - the art of making my self worth and self importance relational to external things. No wonder I need to work on falling in love with myself.
I became aware of my asmita voice through my yoga asana practice, because it brought me face-to-face with my raging self-judgement of my postures. At first, when instructors commented on the issue of self- judgement, I remained steadfast in my misperception (avidya) that I needed my self judgement to motivate me to work harder so that I could 'become better'. It took quite a while to realize that what I loved so much about yoga was that, my concept of 'being better' had shifted from being better by comparison to others, to being better by what was happening internally within me at any given moment.
It took even longer to realize I had made 'becoming better' the goal of every other arena of my life. I had to be a better mother, a better wife, a better boss, a better runner, better looking, etc. And to realize that I was/am quite attached to the avidya that 'becoming better' is an admirable goal, not only for myself but for others as well. But when 'becoming better' is in comparison to others, whether it's real people, characters in books or on TV, my dearly departed mother, or the lanky, empty eyed model on a magazine cover, then it's self worth relational to external things.
Sadly, the asmita doesn't stop there, it extends out of me in the form of judging others. When the voice in my head says 'why would that person drive like that?' it's really my asmita voice saying 'I would never drive like that so why does that person'. Happily though, through my YTT and the wisdom of the panca maya model I understand that the act of judging another creates a more subtle but a more harmful reverberation through me that perpetuates the asmita.
It is so liberating to realize that I don't have to continue to be held hostage by my klesas and I can start with reducing my asmita right now. And as soon as I am able, I will give myself the gift of examining my other klesas.
Saturday, December 3, 2011
Monday, September 26, 2011
Can practicing yoga heal a broken sense of self worth?
For me insights, while precious, tend to be far too fleeting in nature. My hope is that by blogging the insights that arise from yoga teacher training, I will be able to capture them more deeply.
Insights from Training Weekend 1
Thinking about the fact that yoga teacher training was not even on my radar a month ago, made me realize that everything yoga-related in my life, came from somewhere other than conscious thought.
And when I consider the enormous positive impact that yoga has had on my life, it is comforting to have proof that I have the inner knowledge (svadhyaya in Sanskrit) to guide my life.
At the end of my first day of training I felt charged with a sense of positive energy that made everything and everyone seem more colourful and more intense. And as I sat listening to a musical performance, it felt like my heart was wide open and the music was pouring into it. I literally couldn't wipe the grin off of my face. Practicing yoga helps me to enjoy life more. Practicing yoga enables me to experience music differently.
Although I accidentally drank way too much wine on Saturday night, and didn't sleep well because of it, I woke up feeling refreshed and eager to spend another day immersed in yoga. The only hangover symptom I felt was intermittent monkey-mind during the lectures and a disconnect between my thoughts and speech. Practicing yoga reduces hangover symptoms (probably not a good thing for me to ponder).
One of my fellow trainees talked about having the experience of 'falling in love with herself' as the result of spending time doing yoga teacher training in India. I was struck by the concept of falling in love with oneself. Would that even be possible for me? Do I 'unlove' myself (I can't bear to say hate myself) so much that I don't think it's possible? Can my yoga practice heal my broken sense of self worth? I learned that in Ayurvedic medicine, because you cannot easily find the root cause of a problem, you look at the symptoms to determine the treatment. So I guess I need to start by pondering the symptoms of my broken self worth. I know what you're thinking, maybe that excess wine consumption is a symptom. Practicing yoga, the right yoga for me, will help me to fall in love with myself.
Namaste
Insights from Training Weekend 1
Thinking about the fact that yoga teacher training was not even on my radar a month ago, made me realize that everything yoga-related in my life, came from somewhere other than conscious thought.
And when I consider the enormous positive impact that yoga has had on my life, it is comforting to have proof that I have the inner knowledge (svadhyaya in Sanskrit) to guide my life.
Inner wisdom, we all have it, and practicing yoga helps to put me in touch with it.
At the end of my first day of training I felt charged with a sense of positive energy that made everything and everyone seem more colourful and more intense. And as I sat listening to a musical performance, it felt like my heart was wide open and the music was pouring into it. I literally couldn't wipe the grin off of my face. Practicing yoga helps me to enjoy life more. Practicing yoga enables me to experience music differently.
Although I accidentally drank way too much wine on Saturday night, and didn't sleep well because of it, I woke up feeling refreshed and eager to spend another day immersed in yoga. The only hangover symptom I felt was intermittent monkey-mind during the lectures and a disconnect between my thoughts and speech. Practicing yoga reduces hangover symptoms (probably not a good thing for me to ponder).
One of my fellow trainees talked about having the experience of 'falling in love with herself' as the result of spending time doing yoga teacher training in India. I was struck by the concept of falling in love with oneself. Would that even be possible for me? Do I 'unlove' myself (I can't bear to say hate myself) so much that I don't think it's possible? Can my yoga practice heal my broken sense of self worth? I learned that in Ayurvedic medicine, because you cannot easily find the root cause of a problem, you look at the symptoms to determine the treatment. So I guess I need to start by pondering the symptoms of my broken self worth. I know what you're thinking, maybe that excess wine consumption is a symptom. Practicing yoga, the right yoga for me, will help me to fall in love with myself.
Namaste
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